homesick

“Homesick” -Kings of Convenience

I’ve been listening to this song all day, and feeling homesick. For those of you who know me well know that feeling homesick for Manhattan doesn’t ever happen. I’m missing friends I don’t have to explain anything to; who’ve known everything the whole time, but now seem so far away. & yet & yet. They’ve missed out on so much now; maybe they’ve not really known anything at all.

It’s funny, for the longest time, for years and years and years, I dreamed only to feel like I did the year I was fifteen. Looking back, I’m not sure why. I only think of this one specific moment, over and over: Alina, Cammie, Erika, and I (was Erika there?) walking home for lunch at Alina’s house, and it was cold; around Halloween, and eating homemade pizza at her house. There used to be more details to this memory, but most of them have faded. And so many more important people than just those few; none of whom I have any real contact with. I feel like all the most important memories I’ve had are now drifting away. Remember that night? After the musical? It was so strange that when I talked to you, you didn’t remember a night so vivid in my mind in years. Maybe now, maybe that’s why they’re all leaving. Maybe I’m realizing these memories aren’t important to anyone else either. More probably, they’re just being overshadowed with the other memories of Manhattan; and to forget one memory meant to forget them all.

Anyway, the song is so true:

a song for / someone who needs somewhere / to long for / homesick/ cause I no longer know/ what home is

True friendship is such a fickle thing; and so hard to find keep.

<small>loneliness</small>

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One Response to homesick

  1. Erika says:

    I was there. I remember it too.

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