I’m writing today, from a very different place than I’ve been for the last several weeks (possibly months). Not a physical place, of course, but instead and emotional place. I have been very…conflicted and upset about my move out of Lawrence. As I’m sure I’ve mentioned before, Lawrence was a place where I felt like I fit in for the first time in my life. Also, for the first time in a long time (since I was 15 or 16), I felt like I had a real group of friends I could have a good time with (I’ve had individual friends I’ve depended on, definitely, but not a whole group). Understandably, I was nervous, upset when I moved to Olathe, despite the great job opportunities for both Alex and I (which have continued to be great, so obviously it wasn’t that which led me to being upset). Something about living in conservative suburbia again after living in lawrence, where everything wonderful was within walking distance seemed unbearable.
However, just last night (although this has been culminating for several weeks I’m sure of it), I realized I’m starting to have that sense of community in my new home now. It doesn’t really revolve around Olathe, KS, as really that place is a deadend cesspool, but simply within this new life I’ve begun. I have found some people I can rely on, which is nice, and I’m finding that I’m socializing more now than I have in years (mostly, I think, because these new friends are, as of right now, completely drama free, which is such a relief). I’m getting comfortable with my surroundings–I have places I hang out regularly, I feel like home is something tangible now. Yesterday was one of the most poignant days I’ve had in a while. I went to the Uptown Theater for The National concert–and it was one of the best concerts I’ve been to, maybe ever. I was reading a review of the show where the author mentioned the people either love The National or think they’re boring, and I find that so hard to believe. All the music is so—full. I cannot explain it any other way. It was such a good night with such good people: Alex and I went and met up earlier with Brandon and Emily, and had drinks, and it just felt so good.
So maybe Kansas City will never be Lawrence, it’s finally becoming SOMETHING. And I’m starting to like it. But we’ll probably definitely move after this lease is up. KCMO is where we want to be, which is strange because I never thought I’d say I WANTED to be in Missouri.