wedding blues

In the last summer, all I’ve seen is everyone I know (pretty much EVERYONE I know) getting either married or engaged (especially in my graduating class). This, I find, very disturbing. Why do I find it disturbing? Let me list the ways:

1) Many of these people have been dating for less time than I have been dating Alex (2.5 years). What exactly do these people have that I don’t have? More specifically, what is it that makes these people feel like they’re ready for such a huge commitment? What is it they feel that I don’t feel? How can you be ready for marriage at 22, with no steady job, no real income? Am I not secure enough in my relationship to feel this way? Now, I’m all for real love, but with divorce rate at 50% (that means 1 out of 2 marriages end), shouldn’t you be dating longer? Shouldn’t you be positive? If you’re going to stay together for the rest of your life, why are you rushing marriage?

2) I was not invited to any of these weddings. Now, this is fine, but I find it amusing as to how much time has flown since high school. I haven’t really talked to anyone since high school, and I guess I didn’t realize how distanced I am from everyone. And I only moved an hour and 15 minutes away. Maybe it was my immense desire to get the fuck away from Manhattan, KS. But, I don’t know. It’s very, …eye opening.

Now, I’m in no rush to get married (for all of the reasons I mentioned earlier, lack of financial stability, no real life plans, no job openings, still being in college etc etc), but maybe I would like to get everyone excited about my wedding, and getting married. Alex and I have a pretty definitive plan on getting married, engagement around 24, two year engagement (1 year for everyone-mostly families getting used to us getting married, 1 year to plan the wedding), but I don’t know. I want to feel special.

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3 Responses to wedding blues

  1. keighty says:

    Ha! Bobby and I were engaged when I was 20 after only 5 months of dating. Two years later, still no stable income, we’re both still students, and we’re going strong!

    It’s different for everyone. I look at some people who do the same we did and I’m like, “WHAT are you doing?” but then there are others who date for even less time, and I think, “yeah, that’s about right.” When you know, you know. Life’s too short to put off something so important (in my opinion).

  2. Renée says:

    I agree with the other comment. Anthony and I got married after 13 months of dating, and we were 18 and 20, both students, we actually had stable income amazingly (although that has changed a lot over the years), but we no idea of what the future would be like (you can’t plan ahead for it, is my opinion. I mean, you can, but good luck it ever turning out like your plans.). We knew we loved each other a lot (and after 4 years of marriage, we still do), and that it would be really helpful if we got married, financially speaking. Since we were married we claimed our own income on our FAFSA instead of our parents’, which in turn gave us grants and more subsidized loans. I think marriage gives you a lot of autonomy as a couple, which can be good or bad depending on how prepared you are for that. I know newlyweds that are struggling with that because one or both of them didn’t know how to take care of themselves as real adults. That isn’t to say that their marriage will fail, but I do think it puts more stress on it initially. But, everyone is different, and you never know who is going to make it and who isn’t. Out of all the weddings we’ve been to, it was never the ones we thought that would end in divorce that ended in divorce. It goes to show that you never can tell.

  3. alina says:

    These are interesting points to bring up and I often wonder about them myself. I’ve concluded that life happens to people and then things like marriage and babies happen (whether it ends up working out for the best is still questionable), but I don’t think life has happened to me yet. I’ll just chill and save money until it does.
    I wish more married people would reply to this entry, I think it’s really fascinating to read their reasons for marrying when they did.

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