graphs of passion & charts of stars


job update
December 31, 2008, 12:57 am
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This new job is interesting. I do a lot of data entry and creating surveys. There’s this program called, “Ultimate Survey” that we use. It’s off the internal Social Welfare website. I can make surveys and insert questions from a question library. It’s very repetitive, but surprisingly interesting. I can link the different surveys so that the participant in the research project can take all the quizzes at once.

The PSS or Parent Services Specialist is a program that is based off of Medicaid. The idea is that, say you (whomever is reading this) and I are parents of a child with SED (Severe Emotional Disturbance). In a mental health clinic, there is a whole team of people who help with the child (especially in community-based mental health clinics). This can include therapists, parents, social workers, etc etc. A PSS is a Parent who has had experience with a child of their own who has been diagnosed with SED and has already gone through the system. The PSS can provide more empathetic services, support, etc etc. Someone who can really understand where you and I are coming from with our SED child. Does that make sense? This program is only available to parents of children with SED, not any other diagnosis.

Okay, so the main thing this research is doing is trying to validate this program. A lot of the problem with Social Work methods is that it’s hard to prove with evidence. I mean, yes it works, but it’s hard to do research on (hard to do randomization, small sample sizes, etc etc). What this project is trying to do is validate the study using Evidence Based Practice. So, we provide the “evidence” that this PSS practice works, and thus validates the program. Medicaid is funding this, because of course they want their services validated. Apparently this project is gaining edgeway on a national level. It’s really pretty exciting. Another interesting this is we have a former PSS on our staff that helps do the research. We’re doing the research at three pilot sites LaBette (which is close to like Garden City), Area (which is Ulysses and Dodge City, KS) and MHA (which is Wichita). Our former-PSS Kathy is in charge of the MHA site.

So I get to create the surveys to see whether or not the program works. Three different people take the surveys, the PSS, the non-PSS (usually a therapist of some sort or case manager) and the Parent of the child. It’s really tedious but easy work. I like it. It’s nice to know you’re making a difference, you know. At least, in some form.

Did I mention I get a cubicle? And my own work phone! I’m in business now.



i wish i was blind.
December 28, 2008, 10:36 pm
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this is not what i want
and i hate everything about this moment.
every mirror is a mockery,
and i can hardly believe what i see.

i hate this prison,
i wish i could escape.

this apartment is empty, and alone.



happy birthday!
December 24, 2008, 6:03 pm
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this blog is one year and two days old.
this is pretty exciting.
that’s all i have to say right now.



winter
December 16, 2008, 2:02 pm
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it’s wintering outside,
snow and sleep,
and andrew bird.



movin’ on up
December 15, 2008, 5:30 pm
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my new job has a cubicle all my own (okay, i share it with the other student hourly, buttttttttt)

i can decorate it all my own way!
i have my own phone number,
and can have my own voicemail.
snazzy.



wintertimes
December 9, 2008, 8:57 pm
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it’s snowing, and i don’t want to be alone.



let me tell you a little bit about what i’m doing
December 9, 2008, 2:29 pm
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i’m doing so much good.
okay, first, let’s go to the job.

the job is a social work research assistant position. i will be doing research on parent support specialist (PSS) services, a family-driven parent-to-parent support model utilized statewide in the kansas behavioral health system of care, funded by medic-aid. this means driving around western kansas (and some southern kansas, mostly parsons), to mental health facilities, in order to analyze how well this program is doing (done by surveys, interview schedules, in a mixed-methods research project).

you can go here, for more info.

i haven’t really kept up to date on my volunteering either. like i said, i’m volunteering for WTCS, in a program called OARS. OARS stands for: Orientation, Assessment, Referral, Safety. OARS’ mission is to “reduce the employment barrier of domestic violence and sexual assault by enhancing the safety of abused families receiving temporary assistance to families (federal program TANF, called TAF in kansas).

OARS is a special, voluntary program for families needing assistance from SRS and an alternative to traditional work requirements.

OARS is a program based on a TANF/TAF recipient’s needs with the goals of safety and self-sufficiency. while in OARS, advocates may help a client with safety planning, shelter, support groups, counseling, court, economic advocacy, and when ready, help with goals related to work or training.

you can find out more info on OARS, here.

I LOVE IT.
okay, update over.

PS: all i have left to do is my western civ final. thank god.



finishing up the details
December 8, 2008, 7:09 pm
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i’m listening to radiohead,
and winter is here.
it’s unseasonably warm.

it’s going to be the loneliest winter of all,
if it’s how i imagine.
long distances and short roads.

i’m just going to sleep it away.

ps: it’s snowing on my page. did you notice?
also, it’s supposed to snow 1-3 inches tomorrow!



i got it i got it i got it
December 4, 2008, 3:14 pm
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the job, i mean.



only only only
December 3, 2008, 8:49 pm
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i can only think about bukowski.
regrets, passion, go go go, will do, am doing, cannot do.

I’m In Love

she’s young, she said,
but look at me,
I have pretty ankles,
and look at my wrists, I have pretty
wrists
o my god,
I thought it was all working,
and now it’s her again,
every time she phones you go crazy,
you told me it was over
you told me it was finished,
listen, I’ve lived long enough to become a
good woman,
why do you need a bad woman?
you need to be tortured, don’t you?
you think life is rotten if somebody treats you
rotten it all fits,
doesn’t it?
tell me, is that it? do you want to be treated like a
piece of shit?
and my son, my son was going to meet you.
I told my son
and I dropped all my lovers.
I stood up in a cafe and screamed
I’M IN LOVE,
and now you’ve made a fool of me. . .
I’m sorry, I said, I’m really sorry.
hold me, she said, will you please hold me?
I’ve never been in one of these things before, I said,
these triangles. . .
she got up and lit a cigarette, she was trembling all
over.she paced up and down,wild and crazy.she had
a small body.her arms were thin,very thin and when
she screamed and started beating me I held her
wrists and then I got it through the eyes:hatred,
centuries deep and true.I was wrong and graceless and
sick.all the things I had learned had been wasted.
there was no creature living as foul as I
and all my poems were
false.

-bukowski

[a part of me is so far from this,
chaos,
but mostly, i just hide it now.]